It's Good When Men Don't Notice Your New Doo

We had a cross departmental meeting this evening to go over a project that was just released into production. Our VP led the meeting. While waiting for the last person to arrive, he welcomed back one of my co-workers from her maternity leave and asked about her baby. I happened to be sitting next to this co-worker. After he finished talking with her, he looked at me kind of funny. Then he said, “Is this residual Halloween or a new look?” [I got my hair done yesterday and I got some ginger highlights added to the blond] Luckily I thought quickly on my feet and replied, “It is a new look, but I sure appreciate the Halloween reference.” He went on to make some kind of joke about him just giving me a real reason to stab him (picture him making a Norman Bates type of stabbing motion).

My first reaction was pretty much to be thankful that he recognized that I was even in the room. Frequently, he’ll say we need a team and will say that every sub-department in our area needs to be involved by name - with the exception of mine. Other times, he’ll say we need a team and will say that every sub-department in our area needs to be involved by name - with the exception of mine – and finish the statement with “and everyone else.” Currently, that every one else are the two people in my department. I’m not sure which of those types of statements angers me the most. Not being mentioned at all or being grouped in a general category all by myself.

The “at least he noticed I exist” reaction dampened down the first time he talked about teams in this meeting (that time my area was completely off the radar). It died the second time (when I was grouped in that wonderful generic category all by myself). Then the paranoia about my hair set in. Others, who I trust not to lie to me, have been very positive about the new look. Danny doesn’t think it’s even that much of a departure from what I’ve done in the past. So why do I dwell on one tactless remark and let that deflate me? I mean other than that he made that statement in front of a vast majority of my colleagues. If I like it, shouldn’t that be enough to me? I should be able to ignore it and move on. So why can’t I? Am I lacking confidence? Am I too vain or self-conscious? A combination of both?

Either way, writing about it is a step in the right direction. Instead of just eating these feelings, I’m expressing them. I swear that I am going to be kind to myself even if the VP couldn’t. I’m not going to take these feelings out on myself by binging or eating only junk food. As God as my witness, I’m also not going to let this make me ornery or impatient with my family tonight. If a volcano has to erupt from all the pressure at the end of the night, I can beat up a pillow or go outside and let out a primal scream. No matter what, these feelings are going to be pointed in his direction, not mine, not my husband’s and not my children’s. It’s a good opportunity for me to experiment with turning this embarrassing situation into a personal grace. I’ll get there, and with red highlights to boot!