Sunday, August 27, 2006

E & A Updates


1) She's getting very close to tying a bow. She can make the first loop and brings the other string around. It's pulling the string through to make the second loop that's getting in her way. When Danny had her show me her new talent, I was amazed!

2) She's getting much better at coloring in the lines. She's very proud of this and should be. I can't believe how she's growing up.

3) While watching "Rock Star: Supernova" last Wednesday night, she said something that would have made me pee myself if I hadn't fallen asleep on my hard wood floor while getting Allison to sleep. Supernova was playing one of their songs with one of the contestants. During the song, Emma said to Danny: "That there, that's not music." Now don't you know she's making her popa proud!

4) After struggling hard to watch a movie other than Wallace and Grommit or Lady and the Tramp, I finally convinced Emma to watch Mary Poppins with me. She absolutely loves the movie. It makes me happy to pass down my love for Julie Andrews to her. The Sound of Music hasn't caught her attention yet, but she did watch a good portion of it with me before she found a dead bug behind the futon more interesting.

5) We're trying to break Emma's habits of calling us a "meany" or telling us that "you're not my friend" or "you're not coming to my party" when she gets frustrated. I've been anticipating "I hate you" or "You're not my real mommy" for a long time. I think that I might handle those better. I have found out that it's not just me. Usually Emma will kick it in on our way to pick Allison up. Now, I just walk away from her. I'm trying to react to that as I would one of Ally's tantrums. A couple of other mothers have said to me that they were glad to see that Emma wasn't always perfect. There's that silver lining. No matter how she takes her frustrations out on Danny and me, she is a very polite, happy and warm little girl.


1) When you've peeved Ally off, boy howdy do you hear about it now! Most of the time you can't understand the exact words she's using to call you on the carpet. You just know that you're being cussed out. Today she was telling me that Emma hit her with a horsey. Afterwards, she stepped back into the hallway and yelled in Emma's general direction, "Not nice, EEEEmmmmmaaa!" I could die laughing!

2) She is a natural form of birth control. If she ever catches her parents sitting too close, touching each other or - God forbid - hugging and kissing, she's right in our business. "Not nice, Daddy!" And I thought colic was a mood killer. The same holds true for me paying too much attention to Emma or another person. I got cussed at on Saturday (see #1) while visiting a friend who just had a new baby. Was I holding the baby? Nope. I was mearly admiring her from across the room - while Allison was on my lap no less. Silver lining - she loves me dearly and doesn't like to share me with anyone.

3) She's becoming a more colorful character all of the time. Let me tell you - that girl can goof around with the best of them. She's so animated and cute, too. I love to watch her when she gets into one of those moods. No other entertainment is required. Watching the Wiggles with her is such a blast! For those of you in the know, you'd die to see and hear her "do the tiger."

4) She's currently cutting three of her four 2nd year molars! She's been waking up crying off and on during the night for that past three or four nights. Danny wondered out loud this morning about teething. I hadn't given that a thought because Emma got hers pretty late into her second year. Ally let me check and both molars were erupting on the bottom and her upper right as well. Maybe we'll be done with teething before her birthday. What a gift for Mommy and Daddy!

5) Allison no longer tolerates my singing. Remember way back in the day when I marveled at her asking me to sing (sorry, it's too long ago and too late for me to make a link)? Well, the tides have turned. Within one line of one verse of any song that I attempt to sing I hear, "Stop it, Mommy!" I've heard that in one form or the other for the past 34 years. I usually keep singing. As I sing, the "Stop it, Mommy!" gets more forceful and high pitched. I'm cave long before she would.

6) Allison can count to 7. I knew that she had 1 - 4 pretty down pat. This weekend Emma counted to 4 for some reason. Ally chimed right in with 5, 6 and 7. I was pretty pleased with that. She also knows random portions of her ABCs in sets of three. QR and S seem to be her favorite grouping of three and G is a stand alone hit for her.

It's Been a While

Blogging has not been my thing this month. I've had several drafts written in Word or in my head, but they never made their way here. I guess they just weren't that important. Mostly I thought better of them before I aired them to the public - probably for the best. A couple of wonderful mommy-blogger posts sent me flailing to a place that not one of my dear readers should ever have to go - boldly or otherwise.

I met with my therapist this past Wednesday. I toyed with the idea of canceling. I'm too [something] for being introspective - at least about those things that matter. I'm glad that I was too lazy to call 24 hours in advance. I sent an email on August 7th about a very interesting opportunity. Ever since I pressed Send, I've been compulsive about checking my email. My eating habits have gone straight to hell. I'm biting my finger nails down to the quick again. I haven't done that since Emma's first birthday. Intermingled, Danny has been sick for about two weeks now. The stress took an unfortunate toll on my GI track on Monday. In the midst of my session - out of no where - I mentioned that the prospect of this opportunity is so incredible. I said that I should be excited, not full of anxiety - but I don't feel comfortable being excited or euphoric. What? Did I say that? It is a truth about me. There are times when I get this (dare I say) orgasmic feeling in my chest and throughout my arms, hands and fingers when I am exceptionally happy. I don't know what to do with that feeling. I want them to go away. After some questions asked to nail down whether I'm manic (not), she asked me if this could in some way relate back to my upbringing or my Catholic faith. I honestly can't say for certain. It's just sad that I am fine with experiencing my feelings when I'm at rock bottom, I'm uncomfortable being on a high. I suppose I'd make a lousy drug addict. Isn't it nice that there's always an upside? Ha!

I'm sure this comes as no surprise to people who know that I can hardly take Christmas Eve, that I like to open my birthday presents as soon as the clock strikes midnight, that not knowing the sex of a child, neice or nephew or his or her potential names drives me crazy. Anticipation is a killer - which reminds me... I hate waiting on new releases from my favorite bands. Thank God for YouTube! So, in the future, I'd like to request that all y'all be kind to me. Don't do anything that would require me to live any longer than I need to in a state of anticipation. Find out if your baby is going to be a boy or girl. If said baby is stubborn (been there, done that), contact a radio guest psychic and/or get that 4D ultrasound at 29 weeks. Both ended up right in my case - the part the psychic said about seeing tattoos in her creamy cup of coffee is the only part that remains a mystery. Anyway, if that doesn't work, at least tell me what names you have picked out. You'll be saving my fingernails, saving my poor, poor tummy and saving me from those dreadful feelings of euphoria when the big event happens. You know who you are...

So I've been a tad more anxious lately than I care to be. That being said, I'm much more comfortable in that anxiety than I was before therapy and medication. What I really need to do is find ways to relax and let go. During my session I identified a few things I already know that have a soothing effect on me - I just never thought of using them like this. The Joshua Tree by U2 and jigsaw puzzles. They work well for me in tandem and alone. When a close friend died my junior year of high school, I spent all of my non-school time listening to that CD and working a jigsaw puzzle. Once the puzzle was completed, I felt better. There was once a time that I could virtually listen to that CD in my head. Just tuning the world out and "listening" to the opening of the CD version of Where the Streets Have No Name takes me to a much better place. I'd like to think that this is what I'll hear while I'm taking my last breath and starting my journey on the other side. Other things are taking walks by myself, scrapbooking (Last Sunday I finished my goal of getting Emma and Allison's scrapbooks complete from January 06 - through Easter. From here on out, I'm catching up to today,), snuggling with Emma or Allison, and talking with close friends do the trick as well. One suggestion that my therapist made was trying Yoga. I'm going to look in to that. Hopefully it's not too expensive. If you've tried it before, let me know what you think.

I am sending a follow up email about the opportunity that has triggered my anxiety tomorrow. I'm hoping for some kind or response to put me out of my misery. If not, I'll be spending a lot of quality time with Bono and perhaps that jigsaw puzzle that I've always been meaning to get started on...

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Let's Get to Know Each Other

Situation: I went to visit a friend in the hospital the day after she delivered her baby. During my visit, her doctor walked in the room. He was so attractive I could hardly believe my eyes. After he left, I told my friend that I couldn't believe how hot he was. She said that she didn't really think about it. I gave it some thought and I just don't think that I could see an OB/GYN that I would be attracted to if I saw him on the street. For me, an OB/GYN has to be ugly, an older man (even if he were attractive, he's old. Old negates attractive for me.) or a female. A woman has a distinct "relationship" with her OB/GYN. Being attracted to this caregiver would cross the boundary for me. It's best not to blur the line between seeing someone to keep my reproductive system healthy and ...

Question: How about you? Would you see an OB/GYN whom you found to be extremely or even marginally attractive? Why or why not?

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Bedtime Success Update

Night 2 - not so pleasant as night 1. I lost sleep for sure, but I reasured myself that this was better than the alternative of getting no sleep while Allison screamed, wailed and convulsed.

Night 3 - the best night yet. Allison's new bedtime arrangements and routine really seem to suit her. She was up twice, but I was back in bed within 5 minutes both times. She doesn't want to have her pre-bedtime snack and water in the living room anymore. She wants "my bed." When I ask her if she has a big girl bed, she gets the sweetest smirk and says, "Yeah."

Allison is loving it. Mommy is having major - unexpected - withdrawls. I enjoyed rocking her to sleep and cuddling with her on and off during the night. If I didn't, I would have changed her sleeping arrangements long ago. Still, over the past few months, I've grown restless. I wanted my bedroom back. I wanted the master bathroom to be an oasis where I could relax and prepare for my day - not a place to change dirty diapers. I reclaimed both rooms by making this move. I jumped for joy all day Saturday until Ally went to sleep that night. It wasn't until then that I realized what I was giving up. Rocking her to sleep at night was a relaxing oasis from my day. Her warmth, her smile, her silly ways of winding down by poking her nose and ears with the satin edges of her blanket and, most of all, her smell are so comforting. For the past three nights I go to bed feeling like my day is not complete. It's not the early morning kicks in the eye that I remember now that life has changed. It's the sound of her sucking on her pacifier and the way she hovered over my head to wake me up that I'm missing.

I'm losing my baby and it's hard.