Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Bedtime Success Update

Night 2 - not so pleasant as night 1. I lost sleep for sure, but I reasured myself that this was better than the alternative of getting no sleep while Allison screamed, wailed and convulsed.

Night 3 - the best night yet. Allison's new bedtime arrangements and routine really seem to suit her. She was up twice, but I was back in bed within 5 minutes both times. She doesn't want to have her pre-bedtime snack and water in the living room anymore. She wants "my bed." When I ask her if she has a big girl bed, she gets the sweetest smirk and says, "Yeah."

Allison is loving it. Mommy is having major - unexpected - withdrawls. I enjoyed rocking her to sleep and cuddling with her on and off during the night. If I didn't, I would have changed her sleeping arrangements long ago. Still, over the past few months, I've grown restless. I wanted my bedroom back. I wanted the master bathroom to be an oasis where I could relax and prepare for my day - not a place to change dirty diapers. I reclaimed both rooms by making this move. I jumped for joy all day Saturday until Ally went to sleep that night. It wasn't until then that I realized what I was giving up. Rocking her to sleep at night was a relaxing oasis from my day. Her warmth, her smile, her silly ways of winding down by poking her nose and ears with the satin edges of her blanket and, most of all, her smell are so comforting. For the past three nights I go to bed feeling like my day is not complete. It's not the early morning kicks in the eye that I remember now that life has changed. It's the sound of her sucking on her pacifier and the way she hovered over my head to wake me up that I'm missing.

I'm losing my baby and it's hard.


DD said...

Just keep documenting these changes as she grows up and you will always have the baby part of her. Even now my son sometimes asked to be rocked to sleep, and it's very hard not to say yes because of all the reasons you mentioned.

And I had to smile about how she pokes her nose and ears with the corner of her blanket. My son still does this and I have no idea why that feels good to them. I've tried it and it just causes me to sneeze.

Kary said...

I think you've summed up what being a parent is all about: letting go more and more as they grow up. We do it because we know it is the best thing for him. Our reward? Healthy, well-adjusted kids.

I try to focus on the fun parts of each stage--the language, the learning, the fun. I still miss the baby days, but relish watching owen swim in the pool now and how he comes up with the neatest phrases.

You did the right thing. I know you know it and it'll just take some time before you feel it.

the quists said...

Oh Jennifer, you have such a big heart! Your daughters are so lucky to have such an amazing mother. I love ya!

Trista said...

It's funny how these transitions are harder on the parents than the kids, isn't it?? Maybe you need to make a new special tradition for Ally and you to help make this easier?

Third Mom said...

And it just gets harder and harder - my baby has a year to go until college! Wwaaaahhhh!!