Wednesday, June 07, 2006

For E, With Love

On the drive back home from Emma’s picnic, I thought about the moments E spent with Emma before we came to the hospital the day after she was born. Almost immediately after meeting E, P and S, Danny and I decided that we wanted to remain involved with them. Letters, email and pictures wouldn’t be enough. We would miss them if we never saw them. We spoke to the social worker about arranging meetings. Joy suggested meeting at the agency’s picnic every summer. At the time our adoption was planned as semi-open. The picnic in Richmond would allow all of us to maintain our anonymity. We were excited to ask them about it. Still, E had no idea of what we were thinking those the days leading up to Destiny’s (Emma’s birth name and her special third name today) birth, when she lovingly gave Destiny life, the first time she held her, the first time she fed her, the first time she kissed her, the first time she counted her fingers and toes. During those times, I can only assume that she had to try to come to terms with the idea that she might never see her beautiful baby girl ever again. It breaks my heart that she had to feel that for even one minute. E was only 15 when Emma was born. She was making the best plans she could for her and for her baby. I know that she would give anything to have been able to parent her baby. At the same time that I love being Emma’s mommy, I wish that things could have worked out differently for E. I wish that Destiny could have been conceived when E was older and in a better position to raise her. All I can say is that I am honored that she selected Danny and me to be Destiny's parents. I am honored that she trusted us enough to raise her daughter thinking that she might never see her again. I am thankful that she has not been alone in this. Although J, Emma’s birth father, dropped out of the picture when he was needed the most, E’s parents supported her. They have not made her feel ashamed. They were there to listen to her hopes, wishes and dreams for both her own life and that of Destiny’s. They were there to hold E’s hand the afternoon that we first met and started our journey as a new family together. They treated her like the parent she is, not the child she was. They were there to cry with her after she left the hospital empty handed. They provide comfort and support for E in ways I only wish that I could. I am proud of Emma’s roots. They are strong, beautiful and full of love. I am proud that Danny and I chose to embrace our lives as adoptive parents openly. I am thankful that they will never have to experience their life without Destiny. May the example set by E, P and S help to make our family as strong, beautiful and full of love as theirs.


Trista said...

Isn't it cool that in the midst of the new relationship open adoption creates between birth parent and adoptee, the adoptive parents can be changed profoundly themselves. I myself have been altered at my core by our adoption relationships, as your relationships with E, P and S have changed you. Emma Destiny is fortunate to have such open parents!

Third Mom said...

This is the picture I wish could be shared with every adoption professional, every agency, every adoptive parent. Will there be challenges? Of course - but that's life. Why deny parents and children relationships that can make them whole?



Susan said...

This is a lovely post; thanks for the link. Your daughter is so lucky to have this openness in her life.