I Want to Throw Up

This morning, as I walked into the lobby of my building, I noticed another person at the other end. My first thought: The woman looks like a cross dresser – too tall, weird hat, broad shoulders, etc. We met in the middle of the lobby just before I was to turn right to head to my office. This person most definitely was a cross dresser. This unfortunate man put a lot of effort into looking like a woman, but he does not have the femininity to pull it off. The extremely acne scared skin didn’t help matters. No big deal, right? You’re saying to yourself – Jennifer want to throw up just because she saw a cross dresser?

Background: I threw up at the movie theater while watching The Silence of the Lambs. That’s a post for another time, but it’s very important to this story. To this day, I am traumatized by the voice of Ted Levine, the actor who played Buffalo Bill. Ask Danny. I can pick his voice out in a crowded room with 99.9% accuracy. His voice creeps me out so much that I can’t watch Monk. I’m sure that I would love that show. I just can’t watch it because Ted Levine plays Monk’s boss. I should write him a letter and explain to him why I just can’t be his friend. It’s a testament to his acting ability.

Back to the lobby: As soon as I heard her voice, my heart started to pound and I started feeling a little bit panicky. She sounded almost exactly like Buffalo Bill. She said, “Where’s Room 104?” I mumbled “104?...” I looked at the number on the plaque outside my office praying to God it wasn’t 104. Thankfully, it’s 101. I’ll have to remember that. She said, “Thanks anyway, it’s down here.” I turned away from her toward my office. As she walked to the temp agency, I heard her bangle bracelets making (to my ears) a ‘warning, you’re in danger,’ plasticy jangle that I hadn’t noticed before. I punched my security code into my area and scurried to my desk.

The very worse thing is that I’m jonesing really bad for a Diet Coke. As luck would have it, I would have to go out into the lobby to get it. There’s no way I’m heading back out there – at least not by myself. Since I’m too embarrassed to ask anyone to walk with me, I’m sitting here spooked out with caffeine withdrawals. I guess I’ve learned that there are some things I won’t do for a Diet Coke.