100 Things About Me - Part 2

51. The night we found out that E selected us to be Emma’s parents, I had two wishes/worries: 1) I cried and wished that my Grandma Dodde could have been alive to see my children and 2) Were there adequate “fat” pictures of me in the adoption book. I didn’t want E to change her mind because I was too fat.
52. E’s mom hugged me tight after our first meeting and whispered in my ear, “This feels so right.” I could have stayed in her hug forever.
53. Although our total official “wait” for Emma was only 9 months, there was a time the summer before she was born that I had a really bad day and didn’t even know it. I was driving to church to work on the bulletin so it must have been a Saturday. I was playing the latest U2 CD (All That You Can’t Leave Behind). “Beautiful Day” came on and it was indeed a beautiful day outside. I was resentful that I had to spend it working on the bulletin. My mini break down happened at the end of the song. The lyrics “What you don't have you don't need it now / What you don't know you can feel it somehow / What you don't have you don't need it now / Don't need it now / Was a beautiful day” felt like a slap across the face. I beat my hands on the steering wheel and cried. I pulled over because I couldn’t drive. I yelled “But I want to be a mom!” out my window to the entire world. After I composed myself I felt better. In the end, that message was true and was something that I needed to hear. If I had been a mom that very minute I wouldn’t have my Emma today. She was busy growing and getting strong in E’s tummy at that very minute.
54. Although I probably should have, I never once worried that Emma’s birthparents would change their minds.
55. I hate pregnancy tests. Even though there was reason to believe that I might be pregnant, I still got the same sick feeling in my stomach when I took Allison’s test.
56. When I saw the pregnant line appear before the test line I had a Murphy’s Law moment. Ever since Emma joined our family I joked around about how I slept through my labor. I pretty much figured that I wouldn’t be sleeping through this one.
57. The first time I felt Allison move inside it felt like little bubbles popping in my tummy.
58. Danny made an “Allison B Born” CD for me for her birthday. I asked him to put The Joshua Tree and Automatic for the People on there since those albums have a calming effect on me. He had the CD on random during my labor. Around the time my contractions got hard enough that I couldn’t move during them, “Everybody Hurts” came on. I didn’t recognize it until a contraction hit. It took all of my strength at the time to say to Danny “I can’t listen to this song right now!” He quickly ran over and changed the song. I’ve always liked that song, but at the time I didn’t need a suddenly condescending Michael Stipe tell me to “hold on”. Who does he think he is, anyway?
59. After I got into the delivery room the anesthesiologist strapped my left hand down and joked that they did that so that we “wouldn’t goose the doctor during surgery.” I can’t remember if I said this or just thought this, but my reaction was, “It’s that kind of thing that got me here in the first place.”
60. I will never forget how handsome Danny looked in his scrubs when he walked in the OR.
61. Contrary to my Murphy’s Law moment (see #57), I almost did sleep through Allison’s birth. Since one hand was strapped down and I was too exhausted to move the other, I couldn’t slap myself to keep from falling asleep. When Danny got there I asked him to make sure that I didn’t fall asleep.
62. A few days before my wedding they started calling for rain on my wedding day. When I started to complain about it my dad said, “What the hell did you plan an October wedding for?” His kind words aside, it was then that I decided to let go. Whatever happened, I had little control over it. In the end, it was a perfect day all around.
63. Going to Wendy’s with the wedding party before the reception was the most fun part of the entire day.
64. My honeymoon was the best vacation I’ve ever taken.
65. I loved the sleep-overs at my house with Sarah. We would swim in the pool until we got cold. Then we’d watch the movies we rented while eating our double stuffed Oreos with mint chocolate chip ice cream.
66. The first time I realized that I wasn’t a kid anymore was when I was sitting with a friend on the hood of her car on a warm summer evening. It felt like the feeling you get in your stomach when it occurs to you – as if for the first time – that you are going to die. The sun was going down when she told me that she had had an abortion.
67. The morning after my dad came back from Ludington after telling Grandma and Grandpa that Uncle Randy had killed himself, I drove my dad into Cutlerville so that he could order flowers for the funeral. The florist asked him what he wanted. Dad said, “I don’t know. I’ve never had a brother die before.” For a while I hated Uncle Randy for making Dad feel that way. Now I’m just thankful that I was mature enough to offer to drive him there after such a long night. I’m glad that he didn’t have to do that by himself.
68. I am planning on taking each of my girls on a Mother/Daughter vacation after they graduate from high school. I plan on letting them pick the destination (within reason). I wonder where we’ll be going. I’m looking forward to meeting those traveling companions.
69. The night Ally had her seizure I found out that when my children are in trouble that I can keep my head straight as long as I need to – but not a moment longer.
70. I think of Mark and Trista every single time I hear or see an ambulance – with the lone exception of when I was riding in one after Allison’s seizure.
71. I often wonder if Trista, Mark and I would have gotten some extra spending cash if we’d only continued videotaping me on the swing set when I got the brilliant idea to jump off my swing.
72. I love finding the perfect gift for people.
73. I love Allison’s “I’m going to pee my pants” laugh. I think that she gets that from me.
74. I could tickle my kids all day and not get tired of their laughter.
75. Laughter is my favorite thing. The picture of the laughing Christ is my favorite picture of Him. I hope to see Him laugh someday.
76. I love how my mom sort of cackles when she gets good news. She cackled when I told her about Allison’s pregnancy test.
77. I enjoy listening to people talk about their passions. Even if I have no personal interest in what they are saying, such enthusiasm is always contagious.
78. Gone With the Wind is my favorite book and movie. I hope that Emma and Allison grow up with all the spunk and charisma of Scarlett O’Hara and all the patience and tenderness of Melanie Wilkes.
79. Once, while driving around the Studio 28 area, Andy Fleser caught me singing on key to an R.E.M. song. I stopped singing on key the second he pointed it out. To my knowledge, I’ve never sung on key again.
80. Emma doesn’t like to hear me sing.
81. I will never forget Grandma Dodde saying, “If there is reincarnation, I hope that I come back with a singing voice.”
82. I won an award from my Dale Carnegie class for my “singing.” I’m sure that Grandma Dodde is proud.
83. I am a sad drunk. You can tell I’ve had too much when the tears start to flow.
84. The only person I’ve ever slapped across the face is Amy, one of my college roommates. We were playing cards and drinking. I was upset about the whole Keith situation. After I started bawling like a baby (see #83), Amy and Mary took me into the bathroom to calm me down. At one point Amy said, “I love you.” I slapped her across the face as hard as I could. I spent that night in Mary’s dorm room. Thankfully Amy did forgive me.
85. Saying something emotional always makes me cry. I get that from my dad.
86. I have never been successful giving up Diet Coke for Lent.
87. My first memory of my Great Grandpa Vollmer was at a party for him where everyone was calling him “The Big Cheese.”
88. My first memory of my Grandma Currie is of playing the game Don’t Spill the Beans on my birthday.
89. My first memory of my Grandpa Currie was sitting in his chair after eating with a toothpick in his mouth.
90. My first memory of my Grandma and Grandpa Dodde is going to their trailer on Christmas Eve.
91. My first memory of my mother is actually of her hands (see #22).
92. My first memory of my father is the smell of his aftershave while we were driving in the mustang.
93. My first memory of Rob is cutting his hair with scissors.
94. My first memory of Donielle is of her stumbling along the beach wearing Aunt Mary’s flip flops.
95. My first memory of Meridith was her screaming at the top of her lungs in the hospital the first time I touched her. I still thought she was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen.
96. My first memory of LeeAnn was actually about me. I was embarrassed that my mom was pregnant because my friends knew that my parents had sex (no one else’s parents were having babies, so they must not have been having sex). The day that LeeAnn was born the school secretary made a nice banner on construction paper saying that I was a big sister. When she brought it to me, I wanted to crawl under my desk. My friends were so excited (and jealous) that they ran up and down Byron Center Middle School with that banner letting everyone know.
97. The first music video I ever saw was “Rapture” by Blondie.
98. Aunt Marcia took me to my first concert.
99. The last record album I bought was Pyromania by Def Leopard.
100. I wish I could play the banjo.