Ever since colic and post-partum depression struck, I have – in true Dutch fashion – been busy plugging holes with my fingers (I’ve only got 10 that can’t span very far) instead of taking the time and energy to rebuild and refurbish the dam. Patching the smaller breaches as they pop up allows you keep yourself in denial. It allows you to overlook the fact that the ultimate source of those breaches, if not dealt with, will someday cause a violent rupture. It’s a rupture that could have been prevented by thoughtful and perhaps costly maintenance. Patching additionally affords you a sense of control. “My life isn’t crumbling down around me. See – I took care of that.” As long as you avoid honest introspection and keep your defenses up, all can be well in your world until that next breach starts leaking.
It’s been two months now since I’ve decided that instead of waiting anxiously to drown when my dam broke that I would prefer to take stock of what is good in my life, what requires a tune up and maintenance and what needs to be demolished. As I mentioned in April, a visit with new OB/GYN woke me up. Until that time I believed that my dark, wacked-out, compulsive thoughts and feelings weren’t dark, wacked-out and compulsive. They were God’s truth and valid. Her words were the slap across the face that I needed to start down the right path. I was in such a daze of depression that I lost some sense of what was real. Had I realized that at the time I would have been very afraid – or at least very afraid for the right reasons.
Dr. M prescribed me an anti-depressant and referred me to a therapist. I filled the prescription and made the appointment. Both are the best things I’ve done for myself in a long time. The medication helped to clear up the sludge in my brain so that I could do the heavy duty work in my heart and soul. S, my therapist, is just the person I needed in that role. She has a great sense of humor and uses it well to pin me to the wall and make me see things that I need to notice.
During our first meeting she listened to my story. There is a release in paying someone to listen to you. I could say what I wanted and needed to say without worrying about being a burden or being judged. She explained to me how depression contorts one’s perception of the outside world as well as one’s internal thoughts. After I explained how looking at Allison made me relive her birth and go around and around in my head about how if I had only done X or only done Y that things would have been different. In those times that I drifted away from my life, I imagined that I did every thing perfectly that day and as a result Allison was always born vaginally, without pain medication and my problems were solved. She reminded me that Dr. G told me at the time that Allison was born that I had done everything that I could have possibly done to have a natural childbirth. Dr. G said Allison would never have been born on her own. Contrary to what I had been telling myself, he wasn’t saying that to trick me into feel better. Although it’s not something I’d ever thought about, he hadn’t even been speaking to directly at the time. I was semi-coherent at the time. He had been talking to the others in the room. What happened was not my “fault.” She even questioned that fact that I used the word fault at all. She said, “So you’re blaming and beating yourself up day in and day out because you used your common sense and chose to trust your doctor to help where biology was lacking? You’re blaming and beating yourself up because you chose to have a healthy baby by surgery as opposed to delivering a dead baby the old fashioned way – if you were lucky to make it that far yourself?” Why couldn’t I have seen it that way myself? I should be proud that I chose a good doctor and made the best decisions I could for Allison all along. Instead, I beat myself up because I didn’t live up to standards I put in place for myself that weren’t really my own to begin with. That’s when I started to see that my thoughts were indeed dark, wacked-out and compulsive.
At the end of the meeting she gave me some ideas for ways of stopping the compulsive thoughts I was having about Allison and about her birth. She also told me to be kind to myself. I was able to put a good stop to the thoughts. I know when they are getting started and I can pretty easily move on. I haven’t looked at Allison and thought about the c-section for a long time now. It’s seems odd to me now that I ever did. However, being kind to myself is still problematic. What does that mean exactly? I know better than anyone else how much I don’t deserve being treated kindly. If anything, I feel as though I am already too kind to myself. If I only I was stricter I could be [fill in the blank]. I worry that if I let go of the restrictions, rules and laws that I have spent a lifetime constructing (but not living up to) in order to be kind to myself that all hell will break loose. Am I not underneath a raging, ugly beast just dying to break loose of my confines anyway? What would happen if there was nothing to keep me in check?
After about four weeks I could say that I was free or at least becoming free of the depression. I certainly am more aware of thoughts that were not rational. I’m also more aware of what an anxious person I am. During our first meeting S said that if she weren’t seeing me for depression she would be seeing me for anxiety. I had no idea what she was talking about. When the depression lifted, the anxiety began moving in. I can see what she meant. Getting help with the depression made it possible to see the underlying cause.
S has pointed out that I have issues with perfection. It made me cry when she said that. I guess because it struck a chord. I would never have thought of myself as a perfectionist because I’m not in the ways that I would typically think of a perfectionist. To me a perfectionist is someone who is organized and keeps things clean at all times. The difference is that those types of perfectionism are pointed at the outside world. I point mine internally. It’s an all or nothing, now or never viewpoint. If I’m not the ideal, I am the polar opposite. I’m either following Weight Watchers to the letter or I’m eating out of control. I either experience “the virgin birth” or I am a failure. No wonder I am anxious. The real kicker is that those ideals that I fall so far short of aren’t necessarily even my own. They are someone else’s – and more often – what I assume are someone else’s. I jump to the conclusion that things are done and said as a criticism of who I am, my work, you name it. Paranoia light with headaches, tight muscles and clenched jaw. When I’m in that mode, even dark movies can raise my anxiety so high that my stomach hurts, that I can’t sleep and once even made me throw up.
My second major piece of homework thus far is to decide what my standards are. To determine what is important to me. And guess what – because I want to or because it makes me feel good is reason enough. I don’t have to justify my thoughts, actions or decisions. It is okay for me to think, feel and act for myself. I can be my own advocate instead of my own worst nightmare. Just as with being kind to myself, this is difficult for me as well. How does one go about determining personal standards? How do I know whether something that makes me feel good is actually good or bad? I don’t really trust that I can make these decisions correctly.
There’s a lot of work ahead. There’ll be an “Under Construction” sign beside my dam for a long time to come. Still, it feels good to start making sound structural changes slowly instead of spackling cracks and hoping that they stick and are not noticed by others. I am on my way to living my own life instead of the life I assume others would want me to live. I am on my way to becoming my own architect.
Friday, June 30, 2006
A Week of Firsts*
* Reprinted from various email messages
First #1) Allison came down with diarrhea. Although there have been occasional instances that could qualify as diarrhea in the past, our first case of multiple, consistent diarrhea started Saturday morning.
First #2) On Saturday afternoon while Allison went down for her nap, I told Emma that she could avoid taking a nap herself if she played quietly in her room. She complied as was very quiet. Then, about 35 minutes later, she came out of her room to get a paper towel. When I asked her what she wanted a paper towel for, she didn't answer. I followed her back to her bedroom. She received a makeup set from the bride and groom as a gift a few weeks earlier. That set contained two bottles of nail polish. I did not realize that it had been placed on the top shelf of her hutch. The nail polish had been spilled all over her (once) beautiful toy chest, on the carpet and all over her. Actually, what was on her was probably self-applied. You hear stories about parents who "see red" when their children do extremely naughty things. I was seeing a deep, pulsing red. I do think that I passed this test. I never once yelled. I didn't kill her. I didn't maim her. I quietly tried to clean up the mess as best as I could with that pulsing red light in front of my eyes. Emma knew that she was in trouble, too. I asked her to get on her bed and she did quickly and without question. She later asked me if I was mad. I said very and she kept quiet after that. When I left the room, I told her that she was to stay in her bed until I came to get her. She didn't even cry when I closed the door. I can't remember how long it took my blood pressure to return to normal, but it eventually did. When Danny got home, he talked with her and we agreed that her punishment was to be grounded from her bike for a week. In true kid fashion, she did find a way to displace some of the blame when she said to Danny, "You shouldn't have left my makeup in my room."
First #3) Our local scrapbooking store held a yard sale for its customers. Anyone with items to sell signed up for a code number and brought their items in before the sale on Saturday. The money earned at the sale could be spent on anything at the store. It was like turning things I didn't want or couldn't use into free stuff! On Sunday, the store called me and I found out that I sold $56.55 worth of stuff! I was so excited that I went to the store that afternoon. Danny watched the kids for me so I could shop by myself. Once I was there, I wandered around not quite sure what to pick. I got several rub on letter sets that were buy one get one free to maximize my money. I got a new pair of scissors and some embellishments for the page I'm going to make for Emma about her first bike (felt somewhat ironic to select that given her punishment from the day before). I also needed to pick up what wasn't sold. The lady couldn't find my items and I said that the only thing I really wanted back if it didn't sell was my green Creative Memories album. I'm glad that I said that. During the day the tag had fallen off. Someone wanted it, but without the tag, they didn't know how much to sell it for and who to give the credit to. So, my $56.55 actually went up to $71.55! I used my extra windfall to get some cute new papers and matching embellishments. Boy, was I excited!
First #4) My manager is on vacation this week and Danny's dad was scheduled to have his kidney stone removed surgically on Tuesday. Given those things happening at the same time, you know that Allison's diarrhea would continue. I dropped her off at daycare on Monday because she was acting like herself and had only had one incident on Sunday. I got a call around 3 to please pick her up. Her lunch went right through her and she was acting miserable. I picked both kids up and took some sick time. I planned on doing the same thing on Tuesday because she caught the virus there and she was, for the most part, acting like herself. She didn't have a fever and she wasn't vomiting.
First #5) She wasn't vomiting, that is, until 12:30 Tuesday morning. She was in our bed and I could sense her hovering over my head. She does this often and I lay very still so that she goes back to sleep. This time, I heard a strange noise and sat up. Good thing - not five seconds later my pillow was covered in vomit. Until 12:30 Tuesday morning, I'd never had a child vomit due to illness. The poor thing had it coming out both ends and was so upset. She went through two sets of pajamas before I bundled her up in just her blanket and diaper. I've worried about how I would handle it when one of my kids got sick. Just as with First #3, I did just fine. You don't know what you're capable of until you are tested. Danny and I tag teamed well. He rocked her while I cleaned everything up and started the laundry. As soon as I was finished, she wanted her mommy. As tired as I was by 3am, I was so happy to be there for her - and just thankful to have escaped the face full of puke. Had that happened, Danny probably would have been cleaning up after the both of us.
First #1) Allison came down with diarrhea. Although there have been occasional instances that could qualify as diarrhea in the past, our first case of multiple, consistent diarrhea started Saturday morning.
First #2) On Saturday afternoon while Allison went down for her nap, I told Emma that she could avoid taking a nap herself if she played quietly in her room. She complied as was very quiet. Then, about 35 minutes later, she came out of her room to get a paper towel. When I asked her what she wanted a paper towel for, she didn't answer. I followed her back to her bedroom. She received a makeup set from the bride and groom as a gift a few weeks earlier. That set contained two bottles of nail polish. I did not realize that it had been placed on the top shelf of her hutch. The nail polish had been spilled all over her (once) beautiful toy chest, on the carpet and all over her. Actually, what was on her was probably self-applied. You hear stories about parents who "see red" when their children do extremely naughty things. I was seeing a deep, pulsing red. I do think that I passed this test. I never once yelled. I didn't kill her. I didn't maim her. I quietly tried to clean up the mess as best as I could with that pulsing red light in front of my eyes. Emma knew that she was in trouble, too. I asked her to get on her bed and she did quickly and without question. She later asked me if I was mad. I said very and she kept quiet after that. When I left the room, I told her that she was to stay in her bed until I came to get her. She didn't even cry when I closed the door. I can't remember how long it took my blood pressure to return to normal, but it eventually did. When Danny got home, he talked with her and we agreed that her punishment was to be grounded from her bike for a week. In true kid fashion, she did find a way to displace some of the blame when she said to Danny, "You shouldn't have left my makeup in my room."
First #3) Our local scrapbooking store held a yard sale for its customers. Anyone with items to sell signed up for a code number and brought their items in before the sale on Saturday. The money earned at the sale could be spent on anything at the store. It was like turning things I didn't want or couldn't use into free stuff! On Sunday, the store called me and I found out that I sold $56.55 worth of stuff! I was so excited that I went to the store that afternoon. Danny watched the kids for me so I could shop by myself. Once I was there, I wandered around not quite sure what to pick. I got several rub on letter sets that were buy one get one free to maximize my money. I got a new pair of scissors and some embellishments for the page I'm going to make for Emma about her first bike (felt somewhat ironic to select that given her punishment from the day before). I also needed to pick up what wasn't sold. The lady couldn't find my items and I said that the only thing I really wanted back if it didn't sell was my green Creative Memories album. I'm glad that I said that. During the day the tag had fallen off. Someone wanted it, but without the tag, they didn't know how much to sell it for and who to give the credit to. So, my $56.55 actually went up to $71.55! I used my extra windfall to get some cute new papers and matching embellishments. Boy, was I excited!
First #4) My manager is on vacation this week and Danny's dad was scheduled to have his kidney stone removed surgically on Tuesday. Given those things happening at the same time, you know that Allison's diarrhea would continue. I dropped her off at daycare on Monday because she was acting like herself and had only had one incident on Sunday. I got a call around 3 to please pick her up. Her lunch went right through her and she was acting miserable. I picked both kids up and took some sick time. I planned on doing the same thing on Tuesday because she caught the virus there and she was, for the most part, acting like herself. She didn't have a fever and she wasn't vomiting.
First #5) She wasn't vomiting, that is, until 12:30 Tuesday morning. She was in our bed and I could sense her hovering over my head. She does this often and I lay very still so that she goes back to sleep. This time, I heard a strange noise and sat up. Good thing - not five seconds later my pillow was covered in vomit. Until 12:30 Tuesday morning, I'd never had a child vomit due to illness. The poor thing had it coming out both ends and was so upset. She went through two sets of pajamas before I bundled her up in just her blanket and diaper. I've worried about how I would handle it when one of my kids got sick. Just as with First #3, I did just fine. You don't know what you're capable of until you are tested. Danny and I tag teamed well. He rocked her while I cleaned everything up and started the laundry. As soon as I was finished, she wanted her mommy. As tired as I was by 3am, I was so happy to be there for her - and just thankful to have escaped the face full of puke. Had that happened, Danny probably would have been cleaning up after the both of us.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
20 22nds
Today marks the 20th 22nd day of the month since Allison Marie Grace joined our family. I can’t tell you how much I love her and cherish her. What got off to a rocky start has turned into a warm breeze of a ride along the beach at sunset. She is growing everyday into a more charismatic and loving daughter, sister and little girl. I am astonished that someone so beautiful, joyful and unique made her début from inside my belly. She is a wonder to me.
Happy 20th month birthday, Allison, Ally, AllyBaby, AllyCat, Ally McBeal, AllyGator, AllyBaba, HunkaBunk. I don’t have enough names to express how much I love you.
Happy 20th month birthday, Allison, Ally, AllyBaby, AllyCat, Ally McBeal, AllyGator, AllyBaba, HunkaBunk. I don’t have enough names to express how much I love you.
WANTED - Your Coke Reward Points
I got this idea from my brilliant friend - who does not drink Diet Coke or Coke of any kind... Thank you for thinking outside of the box for me.
I am collecting Coke Reward Points this summer. If you drink Coke products and get Reward Points and do not claim them, I would be so happy if you sent them my way. They are under 20 ounce and 2-liter drink caps and on the inside flap of 12 pack cases. I will gladly use them.
In the meantime, have a Coke and a smile.
I am collecting Coke Reward Points this summer. If you drink Coke products and get Reward Points and do not claim them, I would be so happy if you sent them my way. They are under 20 ounce and 2-liter drink caps and on the inside flap of 12 pack cases. I will gladly use them.
In the meantime, have a Coke and a smile.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Here Comes the Flower Girl
Here are the pictures I promised of Nick and Emily Maximiv's adorable flower girl...
She may be heading in the wrong direction, but Emma's spreading flower petals perfectly.
Thomas and Emma take a break on the grass while waiting for their pictures to be taken.
Emma shares her first slow dance with Thomas. Nick's grandmother taught them where to put their arms and how to sway. It was too cute.Monday, June 12, 2006
You Can Practice Too Hard
** Pictures to follow later **
Nick, one of my employees, got married on Saturday. He and his wife Emily asked Emma to be their flower girl. So, Emma took her second jaunt down the aisle in just under two short years. By all accounts, Emma was beautiful and perfect. You don’t need to take my word for it. Still, you will have to believe my hearsay… :)
Saturday morning I had Emma practice spreading shredded pieces of paper down the hallway. I showed her how to sprinkle multiple “petals” at one time. She did very well. After each time, I said, “Now let’s pick them up so we can try again.” Fast forward to the time of the actual ceremony. Emma and Thomas, the ring bearer, held hands until they reached the chairs set up on the lawn. At that point, they let go and Emma started to sprinkle the rose petals on the ground. Because Danny wasn’t sitting in the chairs (a guest had a service dog with her and Ally freaked out – but that’s another story), Emma wouldn’t go any further than past the first row of chairs. After she spread out the entire basket of flowers, I tried to get her into the aisle to sit down with me. She wouldn’t budge. Instead, she went back into the aisle and started to pick the petals back up! I had to grab her and bring her into the aisle with me because she almost got in the bride’s way. I should have thought to tell her that she needed to leave the actual rose petals on the ground for Emily to walk on. Funny how children only follow the letter of the law at the most inopportune times…
Nick, one of my employees, got married on Saturday. He and his wife Emily asked Emma to be their flower girl. So, Emma took her second jaunt down the aisle in just under two short years. By all accounts, Emma was beautiful and perfect. You don’t need to take my word for it. Still, you will have to believe my hearsay… :)
Saturday morning I had Emma practice spreading shredded pieces of paper down the hallway. I showed her how to sprinkle multiple “petals” at one time. She did very well. After each time, I said, “Now let’s pick them up so we can try again.” Fast forward to the time of the actual ceremony. Emma and Thomas, the ring bearer, held hands until they reached the chairs set up on the lawn. At that point, they let go and Emma started to sprinkle the rose petals on the ground. Because Danny wasn’t sitting in the chairs (a guest had a service dog with her and Ally freaked out – but that’s another story), Emma wouldn’t go any further than past the first row of chairs. After she spread out the entire basket of flowers, I tried to get her into the aisle to sit down with me. She wouldn’t budge. Instead, she went back into the aisle and started to pick the petals back up! I had to grab her and bring her into the aisle with me because she almost got in the bride’s way. I should have thought to tell her that she needed to leave the actual rose petals on the ground for Emily to walk on. Funny how children only follow the letter of the law at the most inopportune times…
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
For E, With Love
On the drive back home from Emma’s picnic, I thought about the moments E spent with Emma before we came to the hospital the day after she was born. Almost immediately after meeting E, P and S, Danny and I decided that we wanted to remain involved with them. Letters, email and pictures wouldn’t be enough. We would miss them if we never saw them. We spoke to the social worker about arranging meetings. Joy suggested meeting at the agency’s picnic every summer. At the time our adoption was planned as semi-open. The picnic in Richmond would allow all of us to maintain our anonymity. We were excited to ask them about it. Still, E had no idea of what we were thinking those the days leading up to Destiny’s (Emma’s birth name and her special third name today) birth, when she lovingly gave Destiny life, the first time she held her, the first time she fed her, the first time she kissed her, the first time she counted her fingers and toes. During those times, I can only assume that she had to try to come to terms with the idea that she might never see her beautiful baby girl ever again. It breaks my heart that she had to feel that for even one minute. E was only 15 when Emma was born. She was making the best plans she could for her and for her baby. I know that she would give anything to have been able to parent her baby. At the same time that I love being Emma’s mommy, I wish that things could have worked out differently for E. I wish that Destiny could have been conceived when E was older and in a better position to raise her. All I can say is that I am honored that she selected Danny and me to be Destiny's parents. I am honored that she trusted us enough to raise her daughter thinking that she might never see her again. I am thankful that she has not been alone in this. Although J, Emma’s birth father, dropped out of the picture when he was needed the most, E’s parents supported her. They have not made her feel ashamed. They were there to listen to her hopes, wishes and dreams for both her own life and that of Destiny’s. They were there to hold E’s hand the afternoon that we first met and started our journey as a new family together. They treated her like the parent she is, not the child she was. They were there to cry with her after she left the hospital empty handed. They provide comfort and support for E in ways I only wish that I could. I am proud of Emma’s roots. They are strong, beautiful and full of love. I am proud that Danny and I chose to embrace our lives as adoptive parents openly. I am thankful that they will never have to experience their life without Destiny. May the example set by E, P and S help to make our family as strong, beautiful and full of love as theirs.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Emma's Special Picnic
Saturday marked Emma's fourth annual picnic with E, her birthmother, and Grandma (P) and Grandpa B (S), her maternal birth-grandparents. It was a wonderful time for us all. As much as E, P and S feel blessed by our continued physical contact, our family is blessed tenfold. I cannot tell you how life affirming those times are for us. I am looking forward to the day when Emma has a better understanding of her adoption. I am so glad that she will always know that her birthfamily loves her beyond all understanding.
Traditionally, the first Saturday of June has consisted of crappy weather since Emma was born. This year was a bit better. Although it was overcast and threatened to rain, the clouds kept the heat down and gradually made way for the sunshine. We were able to enjoy our picnic lunch and play with the kids without getting sticky and uncomfortable.
After we got to the park, the girls didn't want a thing to do with eating. I had a nice visit with them while the kids were playing. As soon as E and S finished eating, they joined Danny and the girls out on the playground. E didn't mention it herself, but P told me how much it meant to their family that we were raising Emma to know about her history and roots in such an open and loving way. After I wrote my blog about explaining adoption to Emma, I emailed the birthfamily to tell them. Since they didn't email back, I was concerned that I might have hurt their feelings by mentioning it. That was the furthest thing from the truth. I had no idea how much power such a simple act as writing that email would have. She told me just how lucky they feel that E selected "the best" parents for Emma. What an honor it is for Danny and I to have the opportunity to link our family with theirs. I can't imagine it any other way.
S and E had fun playing alone with Emma on the playground while Danny and Ally ate lunch. Emma told them all about school, her friends and the things that she liked. E emailed later and told me that she couldn't believe how much Emma had grown up and opened up since Christmas. Later in the afternoon everyone went down by the creek to see some big tadpoles. Apparently E almost slipped into the creek and screamed as she stopped herself. Emma just loves to talk about that.
Just as always, the girls were spoiled by E, P and S. They had a great time opening and playing with their gifts. Emma's favorite gift by far was a pair of flip flops. They have beads on them and Emma fell in love at first sight. She wouldn't even let me take the tag off before she ran out on to the playground. P and I laughed about how she must take after Minnie Pearl just a little bit. S bought each of the girls these plastic toy tubes. If you hold one end and swing them around, it makes a funny, whiste type of sound. E was worried that the girls would end up hitting each other with them. Instead, they look like Star Wars geeks waving fake light sabers at each other. They couldn't use them as weapons if they wanted to.
Emma called P "Grandma" for the first time at the picnic and I enjoyed watching P's face light up. P has health issues that make walking around difficult, but when Emma said, "Grandma, come here!" she couldn't resist.
Emma also hugged S for the first time in a long time. S has a mustache and Emma doesn't really know what to think about it. At our last few get togethers, Emma wouldn't hug or kiss him because of it. This time she gave him a hug.
We got some wonderful pictures of Emma, E, P and S. We also got a wonderful picture of E and Emma on a tire swing. I know that Emma will treasure them so much some day.
Although nice, the 4 hour drive each way made for a long day for all of us. By the time we got home, it was way past Ally's bed time. We were all exhausted, but it felt good. Making memories is worth every bit of it.
Traditionally, the first Saturday of June has consisted of crappy weather since Emma was born. This year was a bit better. Although it was overcast and threatened to rain, the clouds kept the heat down and gradually made way for the sunshine. We were able to enjoy our picnic lunch and play with the kids without getting sticky and uncomfortable.
After we got to the park, the girls didn't want a thing to do with eating. I had a nice visit with them while the kids were playing. As soon as E and S finished eating, they joined Danny and the girls out on the playground. E didn't mention it herself, but P told me how much it meant to their family that we were raising Emma to know about her history and roots in such an open and loving way. After I wrote my blog about explaining adoption to Emma, I emailed the birthfamily to tell them. Since they didn't email back, I was concerned that I might have hurt their feelings by mentioning it. That was the furthest thing from the truth. I had no idea how much power such a simple act as writing that email would have. She told me just how lucky they feel that E selected "the best" parents for Emma. What an honor it is for Danny and I to have the opportunity to link our family with theirs. I can't imagine it any other way.
S and E had fun playing alone with Emma on the playground while Danny and Ally ate lunch. Emma told them all about school, her friends and the things that she liked. E emailed later and told me that she couldn't believe how much Emma had grown up and opened up since Christmas. Later in the afternoon everyone went down by the creek to see some big tadpoles. Apparently E almost slipped into the creek and screamed as she stopped herself. Emma just loves to talk about that.
Just as always, the girls were spoiled by E, P and S. They had a great time opening and playing with their gifts. Emma's favorite gift by far was a pair of flip flops. They have beads on them and Emma fell in love at first sight. She wouldn't even let me take the tag off before she ran out on to the playground. P and I laughed about how she must take after Minnie Pearl just a little bit. S bought each of the girls these plastic toy tubes. If you hold one end and swing them around, it makes a funny, whiste type of sound. E was worried that the girls would end up hitting each other with them. Instead, they look like Star Wars geeks waving fake light sabers at each other. They couldn't use them as weapons if they wanted to.
Emma called P "Grandma" for the first time at the picnic and I enjoyed watching P's face light up. P has health issues that make walking around difficult, but when Emma said, "Grandma, come here!" she couldn't resist.
Emma also hugged S for the first time in a long time. S has a mustache and Emma doesn't really know what to think about it. At our last few get togethers, Emma wouldn't hug or kiss him because of it. This time she gave him a hug.
We got some wonderful pictures of Emma, E, P and S. We also got a wonderful picture of E and Emma on a tire swing. I know that Emma will treasure them so much some day.
Although nice, the 4 hour drive each way made for a long day for all of us. By the time we got home, it was way past Ally's bed time. We were all exhausted, but it felt good. Making memories is worth every bit of it.
A Potty First
Sunday afternoon I dropped Allison off at Danny's parent's house so that I could do a little shopping in peace. It was a nice couple of hours all to myself (finding a cute outfit at Target for under $20 was icing on the cake). When I went to pick Ally up, Granny had some wonderful news: Allison told them that she had to pee. They set up the toilet seat trainer for her, stripped her down and sat her on the potty. I'm not sure that they were expecting anything, but Ally peed! She's pottied in Emma's potty chair before, but it was after I got her ready for her bath and put her there while I started the water. She didn't tell me that she needed to pee or otherwise acknowledge that she had. This is a first and, at just 19 months, a relatively early one at that! Emma was much older before she showed any interest. The advantages of having more than one child are starting to arrive. Thank God!
Ally is proud of her accomplishment, too. She just beams with pride every time I talk about it. The other person doesn't even have to be in the same room. When I called my parents with the good news, she practically blushed. Awareness of one's bodily bathroom functions is a joyous, joyous thing indeed.
This weekend also marked the time when sitting in a dirty diaper became downright unacceptable for Ally. I'm not putting the horse before the cart. I remember very well that there is a big difference between occassional potty successes and being potty trained. We're headed in the right direction. Freedom from diapers and some extra savings are right around the corner. I hope that Sam's Club doesn't go out of business when we stop buying Huggies there...
Ally is proud of her accomplishment, too. She just beams with pride every time I talk about it. The other person doesn't even have to be in the same room. When I called my parents with the good news, she practically blushed. Awareness of one's bodily bathroom functions is a joyous, joyous thing indeed.
This weekend also marked the time when sitting in a dirty diaper became downright unacceptable for Ally. I'm not putting the horse before the cart. I remember very well that there is a big difference between occassional potty successes and being potty trained. We're headed in the right direction. Freedom from diapers and some extra savings are right around the corner. I hope that Sam's Club doesn't go out of business when we stop buying Huggies there...
Upheaval
I haven't been able to do nearly as much blogging and reading as I would like to these days. Things at my 9 to 5 are becoming increasingly unsettled. We only have dial up access at home, so I used my breaks and lunch time to do most of my posting and surfing. That won't be the case any longer. If I haven't visited your site in a while, please don't think it's because I'm too busy for you. That's not the case. From here on in, I will have to put up with the snail's pace I have at home.
Note to all politicians: I will vote for anyone who will work to get DSL service out here in the boondocks. People may think otherwise, but we're not all salt-of-the-earth farmers or hicks out here. Some of us just want to get away for some peace and quiet - perferably with high speed Internet access.
The good news is that this will mean much less time doing nothing in front of the TV. This may very well break my Law & Order addiction. Danny will be most pleased.
Note to all politicians: I will vote for anyone who will work to get DSL service out here in the boondocks. People may think otherwise, but we're not all salt-of-the-earth farmers or hicks out here. Some of us just want to get away for some peace and quiet - perferably with high speed Internet access.
The good news is that this will mean much less time doing nothing in front of the TV. This may very well break my Law & Order addiction. Danny will be most pleased.
Trista, Please Sit Down Before Reading
I scrapbooked three pages for Emma last night. I finished the Ft. Sumter and Children Museum pages. They turned out really nice. Once I finish the ocean pages from our trip she'll be caught up to Allison. Whoo Hoo!
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Our Weekend with Team M.E.A.T (Minus the M)
We missed you, Mark!
Up until last Thursday, the weather had been cool and miserable for someone desperately waiting for warm weather. Trista, Abby and Ethan were set to arrive for a Memorial Day weekend visit and I wanted the weather to be a pleasant change from Michigan. Well, the temperature far exceeded my expectations. As they say... be careful what you ask for. It was so hot and sticky Thursday afternoon while we were waiting for the gang to arrive that we had to wait inside the local pet store. At some points, it was almost unbearable - for the adults. The four kids enjoyed every moment we spent outside.
We had a wonderful visit with our best friends. I was so happy to have them here. Despite the minor inconveniences (Allison developing croup Wednesday night/Thursday morning, Abby coming down with a viral infection in her hip and backing into a parked car while leaving the pediatrician's office), I wouldn't have traded the weekend for anything in the world. We kept ourselves busy, too. Who rests on a vacation, anyway?
Danny and his father got our swing set put together Thursday morning and the kids had a ball with it. It was so much fun to watch them smile and hear them laugh as we pushed them on the swings. There's something about spending time with kids on swings that makes me ooze parental bliss.
Saturday afternoon I arranged for my favorite daycare teacher to come to our house and watch the four kids. Michelle brought her daughter, Carmen, along too. Trista and I left shortly after 1 that afternoon. First, we did a little clothes shopping. We each found some really cute and inexpensive things at Catos. There's nothing like new clothes to start a wonderful afternoon of sweet freedom. Then, we went to see "Thank You for Smoking." Although this may not seem like much of a compliment because I haven't seen many movies at all in the past few years, I can't remember when I've seen a better, more enjoyable movie. I have found my new favorite movie quote. I can't document it here because I don't want to give anything away. Let's just say that one line from William H. Macy's character is worth the price of admission and then some. After the movie we ate at a nice little sandwich shop just down the street from the theater. We each tried a new adult beverage. Trista chose the Russian Punch and I went straight for Sex on the Beach. What better way is there to cap off a wonderful afternoon with your best friend than eating on the patio while sipping something that does not belong in or around a toddler's sippy cup?
Sunday we went to Amazement Square, a wondeful children's museum in Lynchburg. We met up with T.M. and Miranda there. Miranda is as beautiful as ever and it's hard to believe that she will be four in July. It seems like yesterday T.M. and Michelle brought her over to our house to meet Emma. She couldn't have barely been three months old then. I'm so glad that Trista could meet my good friends from my homestudy group. Everyone had a great afternoon at the museum. I'm so glad that T.M. mentioned this place. It's hard to say exactly what the children liked the best - milking the cow and collecting eggs from the hen house or getting bare foot and painting the walls - and each other. Allison was so inspired by the trip that she didn't sleep a wink the entire hour and a half home.
Monday night we got our pool out. Such a small investment (we got it on sale at Target for $10 or less) paid off big dividends. The three oldest went from the pool to the Elmo sprinkler and back to the pool again for more than an hour. Allison was a little more tentative about it which surprised me. She loves her bath and has no problem getting water in her face. I guess the pool water was a little too cold for her taste. By the end of the evening, Trista and I were in the pool reenacting the grape crushing seen from "I Love Lucy." Our pants got soaked, but the kids absolutely loved splashing around with us.
Tuesday was our last day together. We spent it at the Mill Mountain Zoo and getting Allison's 18 month pictures taken. Thankfully the zoo is small and quaint. I don't know how much more we could have pushed our double strollers around before heat stroke set in. It was such a hot day. On the way to the mall, the temperature read 99 degrees. Allison took some wonderful pictures and we got such a sweet group shot of the four kids. It's sort of become a tradition to get a group photo taken each time Team M.E.A.T and Our Shady Tree get together. I really love that tradition. The pictures come back on June 12. I've already marked my calendar!
Today was an odd day. It felt funny getting back into the routine of getting ready for work and taking the girls back to school. Emma and I both were a little sad on the drive into town. When I sat down at my desk, I felt like I was coming off a three day drunk. Four children under 3 and a half is a blessing - and a lot of work! I must not have showed it, though. One of my coworkers commented on how much more relaxed I was. It all goes to show the power of friendship!
Uncle Danny, Aunt Jennifer, Emma and Allison love our Trista, Abby and Ethan (and Mark) so much! Thank you for blessing us with the gifts of your company. We can't wait until July when we can return the favor! Long may we team together in the shade.
Up until last Thursday, the weather had been cool and miserable for someone desperately waiting for warm weather. Trista, Abby and Ethan were set to arrive for a Memorial Day weekend visit and I wanted the weather to be a pleasant change from Michigan. Well, the temperature far exceeded my expectations. As they say... be careful what you ask for. It was so hot and sticky Thursday afternoon while we were waiting for the gang to arrive that we had to wait inside the local pet store. At some points, it was almost unbearable - for the adults. The four kids enjoyed every moment we spent outside.
We had a wonderful visit with our best friends. I was so happy to have them here. Despite the minor inconveniences (Allison developing croup Wednesday night/Thursday morning, Abby coming down with a viral infection in her hip and backing into a parked car while leaving the pediatrician's office), I wouldn't have traded the weekend for anything in the world. We kept ourselves busy, too. Who rests on a vacation, anyway?
Danny and his father got our swing set put together Thursday morning and the kids had a ball with it. It was so much fun to watch them smile and hear them laugh as we pushed them on the swings. There's something about spending time with kids on swings that makes me ooze parental bliss.
Saturday afternoon I arranged for my favorite daycare teacher to come to our house and watch the four kids. Michelle brought her daughter, Carmen, along too. Trista and I left shortly after 1 that afternoon. First, we did a little clothes shopping. We each found some really cute and inexpensive things at Catos. There's nothing like new clothes to start a wonderful afternoon of sweet freedom. Then, we went to see "Thank You for Smoking." Although this may not seem like much of a compliment because I haven't seen many movies at all in the past few years, I can't remember when I've seen a better, more enjoyable movie. I have found my new favorite movie quote. I can't document it here because I don't want to give anything away. Let's just say that one line from William H. Macy's character is worth the price of admission and then some. After the movie we ate at a nice little sandwich shop just down the street from the theater. We each tried a new adult beverage. Trista chose the Russian Punch and I went straight for Sex on the Beach. What better way is there to cap off a wonderful afternoon with your best friend than eating on the patio while sipping something that does not belong in or around a toddler's sippy cup?
Sunday we went to Amazement Square, a wondeful children's museum in Lynchburg. We met up with T.M. and Miranda there. Miranda is as beautiful as ever and it's hard to believe that she will be four in July. It seems like yesterday T.M. and Michelle brought her over to our house to meet Emma. She couldn't have barely been three months old then. I'm so glad that Trista could meet my good friends from my homestudy group. Everyone had a great afternoon at the museum. I'm so glad that T.M. mentioned this place. It's hard to say exactly what the children liked the best - milking the cow and collecting eggs from the hen house or getting bare foot and painting the walls - and each other. Allison was so inspired by the trip that she didn't sleep a wink the entire hour and a half home.
Monday night we got our pool out. Such a small investment (we got it on sale at Target for $10 or less) paid off big dividends. The three oldest went from the pool to the Elmo sprinkler and back to the pool again for more than an hour. Allison was a little more tentative about it which surprised me. She loves her bath and has no problem getting water in her face. I guess the pool water was a little too cold for her taste. By the end of the evening, Trista and I were in the pool reenacting the grape crushing seen from "I Love Lucy." Our pants got soaked, but the kids absolutely loved splashing around with us.
Tuesday was our last day together. We spent it at the Mill Mountain Zoo and getting Allison's 18 month pictures taken. Thankfully the zoo is small and quaint. I don't know how much more we could have pushed our double strollers around before heat stroke set in. It was such a hot day. On the way to the mall, the temperature read 99 degrees. Allison took some wonderful pictures and we got such a sweet group shot of the four kids. It's sort of become a tradition to get a group photo taken each time Team M.E.A.T and Our Shady Tree get together. I really love that tradition. The pictures come back on June 12. I've already marked my calendar!
Today was an odd day. It felt funny getting back into the routine of getting ready for work and taking the girls back to school. Emma and I both were a little sad on the drive into town. When I sat down at my desk, I felt like I was coming off a three day drunk. Four children under 3 and a half is a blessing - and a lot of work! I must not have showed it, though. One of my coworkers commented on how much more relaxed I was. It all goes to show the power of friendship!
Uncle Danny, Aunt Jennifer, Emma and Allison love our Trista, Abby and Ethan (and Mark) so much! Thank you for blessing us with the gifts of your company. We can't wait until July when we can return the favor! Long may we team together in the shade.
Monday, May 22, 2006
It’s a Small World After All
When I first moved to this area, Danny joked about how he ran into someone he knew just about every time he went out. Where I live now is smaller than where I grew up, but not that small. Turns out you can’t even be robbed by someone here who isn’t somehow connected to you. Danny called me Thursday afternoon. As it turns out, the 18 year old who stole my credit card is the friend of Danny’s manager’s son! I could almost sell this plot to a soap opera. Add a few nights of illicit passion to the mix and it is quality daytime television – not a bad way to introduce the child you never knew you had due to the months of amnesia you suffered in the convent hospital on that remote desert island.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Art and the Life of Christ
Danny recently wrote an interesting post about the upcoming release of Ron Howards' "The Da Vinci Code." It is a hot topic this summer and there are strong opinions on both sides. My history with this subject is very limited. When the book first came out, my sister read it and enjoyed it. Her email about it convinced me to get on the waiting list at my local library. I tried to read it, but I just couldn't get past the early chapter where the albino assassin was flogging himself. "Okay," I thought, "I get that this ultra-right wing Roman Catholic monk is evil or, best case scenario, severely messed up. So what? I don't have to flogged so hard with your prose for me to get the picture. And by the way, I might have enjoyed figuring that out for myself." I returned the book to the library the next day. When it comes to literature, the hard sell just doesn't work for me.
If you're going to use art to explore the life of Jesus in a non-traditional way, why not be subtle? "The Last Temptation of Christ" was an intriguing look at what might have been. You know from reading the Gospels that Jesus was tempted by Satan. You can only imagine that it was constant. It's what makes him human. Exactly how he was tempted, we'll never know. But we can imagine. I remember the film ending and being awestruck by the idea that Jesus could have chosen to live a [hopefully] happy, domestic life. Instead, he chose to die for my sins. Whether Jesus ever was tempted by images of himself with a wife and children is irrelevant. The realization that His torment went beyond the purely physical was an awakening for me. In no way am I trying to diminish the physical sacrifices Jesus made in His last days. "The Passion of the Christ" drove that home ferociously well. Still, human beings are more than just flesh, bone and blood. Our spirit truly gives us life. Without that, we are beautiful - albeit mere - animals. You need to consider the spiritual suffering of Christ to get a picture of His complete sacrifice.
I've never finished Dan Brown's book and I have read very little of the debate that surrounds it. My gathering is that "proof" is discovered in this book, against all odds and an evil albino monk, that Jesus married Mary Magdalene and one or more children resulted from their union. This is not unlike the portrayal of the tempations Christ may have suffered on the cross in Martin Scorsese's film. What remains to be seen is if there is a true difference between "exploring possibilities" and "declaring truths" within fiction or film. Is one a heresy? Are both? Does it matter?
If you're going to use art to explore the life of Jesus in a non-traditional way, why not be subtle? "The Last Temptation of Christ" was an intriguing look at what might have been. You know from reading the Gospels that Jesus was tempted by Satan. You can only imagine that it was constant. It's what makes him human. Exactly how he was tempted, we'll never know. But we can imagine. I remember the film ending and being awestruck by the idea that Jesus could have chosen to live a [hopefully] happy, domestic life. Instead, he chose to die for my sins. Whether Jesus ever was tempted by images of himself with a wife and children is irrelevant. The realization that His torment went beyond the purely physical was an awakening for me. In no way am I trying to diminish the physical sacrifices Jesus made in His last days. "The Passion of the Christ" drove that home ferociously well. Still, human beings are more than just flesh, bone and blood. Our spirit truly gives us life. Without that, we are beautiful - albeit mere - animals. You need to consider the spiritual suffering of Christ to get a picture of His complete sacrifice.
I've never finished Dan Brown's book and I have read very little of the debate that surrounds it. My gathering is that "proof" is discovered in this book, against all odds and an evil albino monk, that Jesus married Mary Magdalene and one or more children resulted from their union. This is not unlike the portrayal of the tempations Christ may have suffered on the cross in Martin Scorsese's film. What remains to be seen is if there is a true difference between "exploring possibilities" and "declaring truths" within fiction or film. Is one a heresy? Are both? Does it matter?
The Unit
Emma and Allison are like a unit that has always been together. Every day they become closer and closer. It's a sweet thing to watch.
Tonight we went to Burger King for dinner. Emma picked the restaurant. Apparently, just with Taco Bell, Charlie likes to eat there. It just so happens that our local Burger King has a small outdoor play area. I'm not sure how, but I got them to eat inside the restaurant first. I was going to get a highchair for Ally, but as soon as Emma sat in the booth Ally pointed at the spot next to her and said, "Sit." [I am happy - and a little sad - to report that Ally no longer begins the word sit with a "sh" sound] I figure why not give it a try. You know what, they did really well sitting next to each other. They ate really well and stayed put for the most part. It was fun for me, too. You get visions of what's to come at those times.
Just before we threw our trash away, Emma asked Allison, "Are you my Sweetie Pie?" Ally got a twinkle in her eye, shook her head and said, "No." Even Emma knew she didn't mean it.
Both girls ran into the play area like they'd been forced to sit all day. Emma waited for Ally to go down the double-sided slide and they both yelled, "Whee!" I really wished that I had my camera. There was a gradual set of stairs to the slide area and a traditional playground type set of stairs. As soon as Emma tried out the more upright set, Ally would have it no other way. I stood behind her each time, but she really didn't need me. She handles stairs like a champ. When Emma walked up the slide, Allison walked up the slide. I couldn't believe my eyes. That girl can keep up when she sets her mind to it.
Our beautiful Unit is going to have a lot of fun growing up. Hopefully they'll choose to use their powers for the good. I hate to think what will happen to Danny and me if they ever try to gang up on us...
Tonight we went to Burger King for dinner. Emma picked the restaurant. Apparently, just with Taco Bell, Charlie likes to eat there. It just so happens that our local Burger King has a small outdoor play area. I'm not sure how, but I got them to eat inside the restaurant first. I was going to get a highchair for Ally, but as soon as Emma sat in the booth Ally pointed at the spot next to her and said, "Sit." [I am happy - and a little sad - to report that Ally no longer begins the word sit with a "sh" sound] I figure why not give it a try. You know what, they did really well sitting next to each other. They ate really well and stayed put for the most part. It was fun for me, too. You get visions of what's to come at those times.
Just before we threw our trash away, Emma asked Allison, "Are you my Sweetie Pie?" Ally got a twinkle in her eye, shook her head and said, "No." Even Emma knew she didn't mean it.
Both girls ran into the play area like they'd been forced to sit all day. Emma waited for Ally to go down the double-sided slide and they both yelled, "Whee!" I really wished that I had my camera. There was a gradual set of stairs to the slide area and a traditional playground type set of stairs. As soon as Emma tried out the more upright set, Ally would have it no other way. I stood behind her each time, but she really didn't need me. She handles stairs like a champ. When Emma walked up the slide, Allison walked up the slide. I couldn't believe my eyes. That girl can keep up when she sets her mind to it.
Our beautiful Unit is going to have a lot of fun growing up. Hopefully they'll choose to use their powers for the good. I hate to think what will happen to Danny and me if they ever try to gang up on us...
You Had Me at “Tay”
Ever since I’ve gotten back from Las Vegas, Allison has really started touching me with her words. It happens mostly when she awakes in the night and wants to come into bed. I’m not exactly sure what this says about me, but I’m thankful that my attempt to teach her to sleep through the night by herself never went anywhere.
Not too long after I went to bed the first night back, Allison started to stir. Typically when this happens, I lie perfectly still and try not to breathe. It is inevitable that she’ll end up in the bed at some point during the night. Still, I like to get a little sleep under my belt beforehand. She didn’t cry or even whine. She just said, “Momma.” I’m not sure how to capture her tone in words. It was a combination of question, longing and trust. It’s funny how so much can be communicated with just one word. Now how do you turn that down? I got her out of her crib and held her close to me for a minute before I went back into the bed. I slept very well that night.
Tuesday night Ally started to cry just as I was getting ready to go to bed. I walked into the room and her crying stopped. I said, “Ally, I will get you after I put on my jammies.” In the dark of the room she replied, “Tay.” It just warmed my heart. I’m not really sure why. Thinking back on it, it was actually a pathetic kind of response – the response of a child not immediately getting what she wants but agreeing to be patient only as long as necessary. In the end, she still started whimpering because I apparently didn’t undress and redress fast enough. Maybe it touched me so much because she’s at the age where she’s beginning to more effectively express her likes, her dislikes, and small amounts of frustration to those around her. I feel like we’re at the same crossroads. The love I have for her – the love that has been there all along – is finally being made known to me. The disconnect I have been living with since her birth is starting to fade away, allowing the language of my heart to rise over the once constant din in my brain.
Not too long after I went to bed the first night back, Allison started to stir. Typically when this happens, I lie perfectly still and try not to breathe. It is inevitable that she’ll end up in the bed at some point during the night. Still, I like to get a little sleep under my belt beforehand. She didn’t cry or even whine. She just said, “Momma.” I’m not sure how to capture her tone in words. It was a combination of question, longing and trust. It’s funny how so much can be communicated with just one word. Now how do you turn that down? I got her out of her crib and held her close to me for a minute before I went back into the bed. I slept very well that night.
Tuesday night Ally started to cry just as I was getting ready to go to bed. I walked into the room and her crying stopped. I said, “Ally, I will get you after I put on my jammies.” In the dark of the room she replied, “Tay.” It just warmed my heart. I’m not really sure why. Thinking back on it, it was actually a pathetic kind of response – the response of a child not immediately getting what she wants but agreeing to be patient only as long as necessary. In the end, she still started whimpering because I apparently didn’t undress and redress fast enough. Maybe it touched me so much because she’s at the age where she’s beginning to more effectively express her likes, her dislikes, and small amounts of frustration to those around her. I feel like we’re at the same crossroads. The love I have for her – the love that has been there all along – is finally being made known to me. The disconnect I have been living with since her birth is starting to fade away, allowing the language of my heart to rise over the once constant din in my brain.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Our Shady Tree's Ode to Amazing MommyBloggers
I am coming a little late to Her Bad Mother’s contest to love the heck out of other MommyBloggers you call friends. Over the past 19 months, I’ve experienced the worst lows of my life. The upside to that is that I’ve discovered just how lucky I am. Blogging and reading other blogs has been therapeutic. I’m not sure what I would have done without them. I’m adding my Ode to the post-Mother’s Day week celebration of marvelous mommies who inspire me and make me glad to be human, a woman, a mommy, a sister and a friend.
I might never have started my blog without the example of Trista. Danny had a blog and even encouraged me to create my own. Still, it wasn’t until I visited Team M.E.A.T. for the first time that I began to grasp the importance and fun of what I now know as MommyBlogging. She has been my best friend for more than a decade. I can never honestly doubt that God exists or that God loves me because of her. She is honest, hilarious, loyal, caring and a joy. We experienced the ups and downs of adoption and first-time motherhood together. We’ve experienced the surprise and tribulations of unexpectedly soon second time motherhood (hers more unexpectedly sooner than mine – HA!). When Danny’s father had an emergency double bypass surgery just a few weeks before Ally’s due date, she came to my rescue. Since Ally’s birth, she’s always been there with support and has never once made me feel like a burden – although I’m most certain I have been. Last but not least, she has an awesome MommyBlog. If you are unfamiliar with adoption you will learn a lot. Abby and Ethan are so very close to my heart. I’ve never been so honored as I was the day that Danny and I were asked to be Ethan’s godparents. I love you with all my heart, Trista!
Blogging seems to have a domino effect. I started my blog after Trista. My sister, Donielle, started her blog – Triple Happiness – after seeing mine. Donielle’s blog details the life of a multi-cultural family. Her husband, Peter, is from China. Together they made one beautiful little girl named Sophia. There is five years between Donielle and I. We fought a lot as kids, but grew closer after I went away to college. She’s the only person other than Danny with whom I’ve shared a bedroom. How much closer can you get? I would love Donielle and want to be her friend even if we weren’t related. It’s nice to be able to feel that way about your siblings. I know that not every one does. Most recently I love the fact that we get to be MommyBloggers together. I never expected to be having children with my siblings because of the age differences. Thankfully life usually doesn’t go along as expected. Because of the distance between me and my family, blogging has helped us maintain contact and see each other’s children grow up. Even though you’ve known a person for almost 30 years, it is surprising what you find out by reading each other’s blogs.
Keeping it all in the family, Trista’s husband’s sister Tracy has a wonderful blog about her family. Her children are precious and looking at Lana is like seeing baby Tracy all over again. I remember very well when she was just a tiny baby – and I mean tiny. There is a picture that I have etched in my memory that was taken when Tracy was less than a year old. I have always had a pretend love-hate relationship with Tracy’s father. We tease each other mercilessly. In this picture, I am jumping in the pool to splash Tracy’s dad and he’s wagging his finger warning me not to. Tracy’s mom is in the background holding Tracy. I will say again that she was so tiny. There were many times I would be holding Ally on my hip like Tracy’s mom and I would stop and think, “This must be what it was like to hold Tracy.” Tracy has the most spirit of anyone I know. She was in my youth group and we had so much fun together. I hope that my girls are like her. It’s hard for me to believe that she’s a wife and mother now. Isn’t she still in high school? We both have moved away from our families and that is a bond that we share now. I remember well how it felt those first few years after I moved to Virginia. I read some of Tracy’s posts and I am right there with her. I hope that when it feels that way that she knows that she’s not alone.
Danny is an only child, but he did have a friend growing up that comes as close to being his brother than anyone else – Daniel. Luckily for me, Daniel married a wonderful woman who I get the pleasure of calling my friend – Melissa. She homeschools Jack and Katrina and they are the sweetest and most polite children you’ll ever meet. I really respect the way they are raising their children and blending their family. Her children are slightly older than mine. Watching the way she parents them gives me confidence in myself. I can’t tell you how good it feels to know that other mothers have had similar experiences and have survived to tell the tale. Her friendship and advice has meant so much to me.
Although I’d like to think otherwise, Trista’s life continued on after I moved to Virginia. In order to be closer to Mark, she moved away from Grand Rapids as well. It is there that she met Jenny, the friend I’ve never met in person. Trista must have told her about my blog. One day out of the blue she responded to one of my posts about Allison’s birth. I am so thankful. I don’t know what else to say. She, like Tracy and I before her, followed Trista’s example and started a blog about her family. I hope that someday we can finally meet in person. Until then, it’s just nice to know that she’s out there planning scrapbooking weekends with Trista.
Over the past few months, Kary has been an important part of my life. At one time we worked together. She still works with Danny. Danny mentioned my blog to her and the rest has been history. We’ve bonded over Weight Watchers at first, but we share a lot more in common than that. We are able to build each other up with our strengths and understand each others weaknesses. It always makes me happy to find an email from her waiting for me. Had I happened upon Her Bad Mother before Mother’s Day, I wouldn’t have been able to add Kary to my list. It’s as if it was meant to be. Kary Nation made its glorious début today. I’m looking forward to watching her blog evolve.
Our Shady Tree is proud to be part of the MommyBloggers sub-culture. Until last night I never knew that such a thing existed. It’s amazing the things you will uncover simply by clicking on the Next Blog button. If you haven’t lost hours doing that before, it’s well worth it. You might run into freaks but you just might find some friends that will soon become a part of your daily life.
I might never have started my blog without the example of Trista. Danny had a blog and even encouraged me to create my own. Still, it wasn’t until I visited Team M.E.A.T. for the first time that I began to grasp the importance and fun of what I now know as MommyBlogging. She has been my best friend for more than a decade. I can never honestly doubt that God exists or that God loves me because of her. She is honest, hilarious, loyal, caring and a joy. We experienced the ups and downs of adoption and first-time motherhood together. We’ve experienced the surprise and tribulations of unexpectedly soon second time motherhood (hers more unexpectedly sooner than mine – HA!). When Danny’s father had an emergency double bypass surgery just a few weeks before Ally’s due date, she came to my rescue. Since Ally’s birth, she’s always been there with support and has never once made me feel like a burden – although I’m most certain I have been. Last but not least, she has an awesome MommyBlog. If you are unfamiliar with adoption you will learn a lot. Abby and Ethan are so very close to my heart. I’ve never been so honored as I was the day that Danny and I were asked to be Ethan’s godparents. I love you with all my heart, Trista!
Blogging seems to have a domino effect. I started my blog after Trista. My sister, Donielle, started her blog – Triple Happiness – after seeing mine. Donielle’s blog details the life of a multi-cultural family. Her husband, Peter, is from China. Together they made one beautiful little girl named Sophia. There is five years between Donielle and I. We fought a lot as kids, but grew closer after I went away to college. She’s the only person other than Danny with whom I’ve shared a bedroom. How much closer can you get? I would love Donielle and want to be her friend even if we weren’t related. It’s nice to be able to feel that way about your siblings. I know that not every one does. Most recently I love the fact that we get to be MommyBloggers together. I never expected to be having children with my siblings because of the age differences. Thankfully life usually doesn’t go along as expected. Because of the distance between me and my family, blogging has helped us maintain contact and see each other’s children grow up. Even though you’ve known a person for almost 30 years, it is surprising what you find out by reading each other’s blogs.
Keeping it all in the family, Trista’s husband’s sister Tracy has a wonderful blog about her family. Her children are precious and looking at Lana is like seeing baby Tracy all over again. I remember very well when she was just a tiny baby – and I mean tiny. There is a picture that I have etched in my memory that was taken when Tracy was less than a year old. I have always had a pretend love-hate relationship with Tracy’s father. We tease each other mercilessly. In this picture, I am jumping in the pool to splash Tracy’s dad and he’s wagging his finger warning me not to. Tracy’s mom is in the background holding Tracy. I will say again that she was so tiny. There were many times I would be holding Ally on my hip like Tracy’s mom and I would stop and think, “This must be what it was like to hold Tracy.” Tracy has the most spirit of anyone I know. She was in my youth group and we had so much fun together. I hope that my girls are like her. It’s hard for me to believe that she’s a wife and mother now. Isn’t she still in high school? We both have moved away from our families and that is a bond that we share now. I remember well how it felt those first few years after I moved to Virginia. I read some of Tracy’s posts and I am right there with her. I hope that when it feels that way that she knows that she’s not alone.
Danny is an only child, but he did have a friend growing up that comes as close to being his brother than anyone else – Daniel. Luckily for me, Daniel married a wonderful woman who I get the pleasure of calling my friend – Melissa. She homeschools Jack and Katrina and they are the sweetest and most polite children you’ll ever meet. I really respect the way they are raising their children and blending their family. Her children are slightly older than mine. Watching the way she parents them gives me confidence in myself. I can’t tell you how good it feels to know that other mothers have had similar experiences and have survived to tell the tale. Her friendship and advice has meant so much to me.
Although I’d like to think otherwise, Trista’s life continued on after I moved to Virginia. In order to be closer to Mark, she moved away from Grand Rapids as well. It is there that she met Jenny, the friend I’ve never met in person. Trista must have told her about my blog. One day out of the blue she responded to one of my posts about Allison’s birth. I am so thankful. I don’t know what else to say. She, like Tracy and I before her, followed Trista’s example and started a blog about her family. I hope that someday we can finally meet in person. Until then, it’s just nice to know that she’s out there planning scrapbooking weekends with Trista.
Over the past few months, Kary has been an important part of my life. At one time we worked together. She still works with Danny. Danny mentioned my blog to her and the rest has been history. We’ve bonded over Weight Watchers at first, but we share a lot more in common than that. We are able to build each other up with our strengths and understand each others weaknesses. It always makes me happy to find an email from her waiting for me. Had I happened upon Her Bad Mother before Mother’s Day, I wouldn’t have been able to add Kary to my list. It’s as if it was meant to be. Kary Nation made its glorious début today. I’m looking forward to watching her blog evolve.
Our Shady Tree is proud to be part of the MommyBloggers sub-culture. Until last night I never knew that such a thing existed. It’s amazing the things you will uncover simply by clicking on the Next Blog button. If you haven’t lost hours doing that before, it’s well worth it. You might run into freaks but you just might find some friends that will soon become a part of your daily life.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Light on Snow
I hope that everyone had a wonderful, relaxing Mother’s Day.
My gift from my children and my husband was seeing “Mamma Mia” in Las Vegas. Still, I had a nice, leisurely day that felt so wonderful. During Allison’s nap I started reading a book entitled Light on Snow by Anita Shreve. I picked it back up after Allison went to sleep for the night. By the time I went to bed, I had finished the book. I cannot tell you the last time I read a book from start to finish in one day. It was a fabulous book and a good feeling.
Finishing that book got me thinking: it would be nice to have someone to talk to about it. I took that thought further and wished I could join a book club. With two young kids, I don’t know where I would find the time and opportunity to actually go to the club to join in on the conversation. Thankfully, the digital age makes things a little simpler for those of us home bound for one reason or the other. Would any of you be interested in picking a book, reading it by a scheduled time and then posting your thoughts in a blog? One person could be chosen to start first and then we can all add comments, etc… It wouldn’t be the same as sitting in the same room discussing the book face to face, but it will also be a lot harder to get side tracked talking about something else. If you’re up for the challenge, you know where to find me.
My gift from my children and my husband was seeing “Mamma Mia” in Las Vegas. Still, I had a nice, leisurely day that felt so wonderful. During Allison’s nap I started reading a book entitled Light on Snow by Anita Shreve. I picked it back up after Allison went to sleep for the night. By the time I went to bed, I had finished the book. I cannot tell you the last time I read a book from start to finish in one day. It was a fabulous book and a good feeling.
Finishing that book got me thinking: it would be nice to have someone to talk to about it. I took that thought further and wished I could join a book club. With two young kids, I don’t know where I would find the time and opportunity to actually go to the club to join in on the conversation. Thankfully, the digital age makes things a little simpler for those of us home bound for one reason or the other. Would any of you be interested in picking a book, reading it by a scheduled time and then posting your thoughts in a blog? One person could be chosen to start first and then we can all add comments, etc… It wouldn’t be the same as sitting in the same room discussing the book face to face, but it will also be a lot harder to get side tracked talking about something else. If you’re up for the challenge, you know where to find me.
Emma’s “Little Cuties”
Emma has become obsessed with bugs – ants in particular. When we’re outside, you’re more likely to find her crouched down with her face near the ground than you are to see her walking upright. Saturday she spent a good 45 minutes in our yard in an area where there are/were a lot of ant hills. At one point she showed me the ants she had caught. There were three or four in the palm of her hand. Only one of them survived the trip from the ground to her hand uninjured. She was completely oblivious. She said, “Aren’t they so cute?” and asked me if I’d like to hold one because they “tickle.” Allison and I went inside first Saturday. Emma stayed outside while Danny put the toys away. He had to stop her from bringing the ants in the house. Emma tried to change his mind by calling them her “little cuties.” All of this has me thinking that Emma was either an aardvark or an exterminator in her previous life. Danny took her to Big Lots this weekend and found a magnifying toy that is used to watch/torture bugs. It looks like she’s well on her way to becoming an entomologist in this one.
Imitation of Big Sister
Allison is watching everything that Emma does. Last night during their bath, Emma started to wash herself. She’s really good at taking her own bathes and does not like any part of the bath that she cannot do herself (don’t ask about getting her hair washed). As Emma washes her body parts, Allison makes the same gesture on her own body. It is really cute. I told Emma that she was Allison’s teacher. Emma looked up at me and said, “I’m not a teacher.” I said, “Yes you are, look what you’ve taught Allison.” She wasn’t very impressed.
This morning, Allison was imitating Emma again – before Emma even woke up. Emma likes to pretend she’s a lot of different things right now – a dog, a cat, a baby, etc. While I was preparing my breakfast, Allison got down on all fours and started barking (she says “fuff” instead of “woof”). She crawled around and randomly barked. It was hilarious. While I was eating breakfast she added another dimension – she bent her face down to the floor and pretended to eat. I wish that we had our video camera out to capture that. It was too cute.
Speaking of video cameras, we’re buying a new one. It is a Digital 1.5" LCD Screen Camcorder. It is smaller and doesn’t take the quality of video of our current video camera. The advantage is its size. We really want to start capturing more of the kids growing up but we’re hindered by getting the bulky video camera, setting it up, etc… This is more like a digital camera. Once it arrives, we hope to post some videos on Ashamblesburg. We hope that you’ll be seeing more of Emma and Allison in streaming video very soon.
This morning, Allison was imitating Emma again – before Emma even woke up. Emma likes to pretend she’s a lot of different things right now – a dog, a cat, a baby, etc. While I was preparing my breakfast, Allison got down on all fours and started barking (she says “fuff” instead of “woof”). She crawled around and randomly barked. It was hilarious. While I was eating breakfast she added another dimension – she bent her face down to the floor and pretended to eat. I wish that we had our video camera out to capture that. It was too cute.
Speaking of video cameras, we’re buying a new one. It is a Digital 1.5" LCD Screen Camcorder. It is smaller and doesn’t take the quality of video of our current video camera. The advantage is its size. We really want to start capturing more of the kids growing up but we’re hindered by getting the bulky video camera, setting it up, etc… This is more like a digital camera. Once it arrives, we hope to post some videos on Ashamblesburg. We hope that you’ll be seeing more of Emma and Allison in streaming video very soon.
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